...To David Petraeus' Quitting Being The CIA Director Over Cheating On His Wife

This is even more proof positive that David Petraeus is a LOSER!  The first proof was that he chose to work for Obama in the first place.  Quitting his job just because he took his reward as a leader of men is even more proof that he was, is, and always shall be a LOSER!  You think that I, the richest and most awesome man in the quantum multiverse, let something as piss-ant as the adultery laws stand between me and my appetites?  I was cheating on both Ivana and Marla Maples when I was married to them, and I'm cheating on Melania as I type this!  And once I dump Melania for another wife, I'll cheat on her too!  You don't see me resigning from my company over that!  Good riddance to that LOSER!

...To Obama Getting Reelected To A Second Term As President

How can you LOSERS! not vote Mitt Romney into the Oval Office!?  Sure, he was a Zelig-class stiff who came across as more than willing to sell his own grandmother and all of his grandchildren to sex traffickers in exchange for five more electoral votes, but he was a rich man, Goddammit!  Rich men are supposed to run things in this country with impunity, not some upstart who just happened to give the order to hunt down and summarily execute the FBI's #1 Most Wanted for the crime of murdering 3000 Americans on 9/11!  We create jobs by hiring maids and chauffeurs and car elevator operators and prostitutes!

I tell you, it's time for a revolution in this country!  The richest, most awesome man in the quantum multiverse should be allowed to do as he pleases because he's rich, and not because 50%+1 of the populace said some other guy should run the show!  You're all LOSERS!